Finding enjoyment

What would that be?  And make sure it does not involve food.
So the visit to Dr D after the visit to Mel was filled with revelations.
I was anxious as well and apprehensive, cause I mean here the journey starts.....  scary man!
If this is part of me, how do I change that. 
Dr D did tell me that it was going to be a process, and I would need to learn how to change my focus.  The way I am entertained, how I derive enjoyment.  SO let’s start.
So he is in agreement with Mel.  I would need to find other ways to derive enjoyment out of life that does not include food.

I grew up in a house full of food, cakes, tarts, and our lives revolved around food & eating.  There was always a cake, or a tart, or stuff to eat around.  It was my mother’s way of expressing/showing love.  It was her way of “giving” you love, through the food she prepared.  Dr D elaborated that when I cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie or series and surround myself with comfort food, I am becoming that child.  In the world where I observe life, and get “feed” with love.  It’s my way of looking/craving for that experience I had as a child.  It’s my place of acceptance and where I find emotional support.  The story unfolding on the screen is my way of experiencing social interaction.  It’s what I’m starved of since moving to Cape Town, so I look for it in a fictional sense.  The “comfort” food is that feeling of love I yearn for, the comfort of it.  The space of loving.

Dr D suggested I find a replacement for this loving feeling.  I need to discover what my image of the perfect loving experience would be.  That’s derived from joy.  So what could I do other than comfort eating on my couch and watching movies, to give me the same feeling. It’s an experiment, he assures me it won’t be easy, and it will be based on trial and error.  I need to become the lead character in my own movie, and start creating the experiences that are fulfilling and comforting. 

He spoke of a physiological term “imago” – being this type of idealized mental image of someone, esp. a parent, that influences a person's behaviour.  I have to rediscover mine, and find that image for myself again.